May 16, 2008

I survived.........

Well…

I was driving to the local smoothie place w. the boys and I noticed a motorcycle cop behind me.. so of course,I made sure I was not Texting while driving, or talking on my phone, and that I was obeying the speed limit… not yelling at the kids or throwing random objects at them while driving to get them to quiet down.. you know the typical mom stuff!!

He follows me pretty closely for awhile and then all of a sudden he is right beside my passenger window… peering at me… I actually jumped from surprise… he smiled and kept driving… so by then I was really on edge…. The whole thing was weird. I pull into the shopping center and so does he.. oh great, I am thinking I am in trouble for all those times I was on the phone while driving or speeding through the school zone or something…

He waits for me to pass him and I pull into a parking space and he pulls in to the one next to me. I am holding my breath and I look over and he motions me to roll down my window.. you know that guesture to roll down the window with such authority that I am sure I am getting some sort of random ticket (like the WASTE of finite ticket I received 15 years ago… that is a story for another day)

So, I roll down the window and say HI in my cutest, most flirtatious way possible… hoping… He said “I just had to ask you what your license plate means?”  - WTF I can’t hold in my shock, my heart is racing even fast now, because now I am highly annoyed… all of that drama to find out what the plate means (I think it is pretty self explanatory, but whatever!)

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I  have a pink ribbon on the bank of my van and a pink ribbon topper for my antennae I am thinking DUH! Hahah

So I explain that it says “I Survived” – and that I am a cancer survivor.. He then begins to tell me the following:

“Oh really.. well I just had to ask, because, I don’t know if you realize it or not but it looks like it says “I survive VD” – and I thought I would double check with you, isn’;t that funny?” 

At this point, I am not sure what to say, both of the boys are in the van with me.. and I absolutely do NOT want to explain VD to them… I just chuckle and say Oh yeh, I guess I never thought of that…” Then he said well, have a nice day and drove off…

I can tell he is so enamored with himself for being so funny and I am just plain annoyed at this point and I am still a little shaking, trying to recover from the fear of possibly getting a ticket and then to realize why he pulled me over.. I need a margarita not a smoothie! I supposed it would of helped if he was a hottie cop, like Eric Estrada.. but he was so not…….

So.. here is another story from the bizzaro world of Rachel…

April 22, 2008

The countdown begins

well......... the countdown begins... 7 days from today... on April 29th  - GASP........ this gal turns the big 40

so -I was thinking of signficant birthdays i really remember... My earliest that I remember is in Third grade.. turning 9... because my mom had a party @ home... with all my friends and cousins.. and she gave me this big poster and t-shirt of Fonzie from the TV show Happy DaFonzieys.

I remember turning 16! - my mom threw me a surprise sweet 16 party! I figured it out when we pulled up to the church and so so many cars were there and I knew something was up! The only gift I remember is an ameythist ring from my sis Sue... I still have it to this day, altho the bottom part of the band broke finally after a bozillion years... hahah

I don't really remember 18 much... i was engaged to be married... that was about all I can remember, i have no idea if I had a party or not.. i am sure we went out to dinner or something..

I do remember 21.  I was attending DeVry... not so happy married... in fact I spent my b-day dinner with a few classmates ordering strawberry daquiris at Garcia's restaurant on Peoria! Right Charlie?! And Raj! and Jer? - fun times... LOL

I remember 25 b/c I knew I was a quarter of a century old...

I remember 30.. ugh.. i remember thinking i would wake up with some ephinany about life... and purpose,etc.. NOPE. woke up tired. LOL  Jeff decorated my cube @ work w. a bunch of black decorations and a bozillion pieces of confetti.. i loved the special attention! LOVED IT!

My 35th Birthday... Jeff threw a major surprise party for me... all my friends and family, a surprise visit from a gal pal across the usa... that was a GREAT GREAT party... i loved it -i didn't know i was having a party, but i had this feeling that things were "off" and so strange, i remember being upset about feeling "off"... then when I got home from drinks w. another gal pal - it all made sense! He put some hard hard work into that party..... it rocked!

and now.. 40.. i am taking the day off works... pamper myself... I have already received so many gifts - a gorgeous ring from my sis (peridot, my mom's birthstone), an amazing necklace from my mom.. a white gold cross... and then of course my digicam the D80... and all the accessories.... and that has jumpstarted my passion for photog and for rachelpetersonphotography...

so... i don't know how i feel about turning 40.. i feel as though i have earned every grey hair.. every wrinkle... my life is turning out how i planned it when i was a young girl... and basically i am just thrilled to be around for it! (i'd love to be skinnier... hahah but that is forthcoming...)

so cheers to 4-0-~

April 10, 2008

thursday blues

Thursday blues…

          Not quite Friday yet……..

          Tired!

          Trying to clean up the house and catch up laundry to avoid the Friday rush

          Tired…

          Behind in to-do’s….

My new grass project – grass is not growing yet, its only been since Saturday mind you but I am inpatient

Feeling blue for no reason really… life is mostly good… life is better this side of the dirt, as far as I can tell.. J

Tired

NEED more time.. where does the time fly………..?

Need to set a goal to stop time suckers… (tv, surfing the net, etc. hahah)

Thankful

          My checking account is not in the negative J hehe

          Payday tomorrow

          We are happy and healthy

          House will be clean by eod today

          Cancer free

          The list is endless…

April 09, 2008

Stand by me...

Dsc_0856 Stand by me…

  ok – if you were at all interested in movies in the mid 80’s – you have seen this movie… It came out in August of 1986 and is one of most favorite movies…  It is a coming of age movie for 4 “tween” boys…  Not to mention, I love the song by the same title… Well it all started a month or so ago… the neighborhood boys found this area in a wash up the street with a hill.. they dug out some “jumps” for their bmx bikes… and now the place is called “the jumps”… Hank has been asking to go to the jumps w. his friends.. it is off a main street and is just a little farther that I have been comfortable letting him go w. out supervision…

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about two weeks ago, during spring break – the boys wanted to go… and they had a friend over who is allowed to go… so I decided to bring my camera and go check it out.. I took some great pics of the boys and their friends jumping bikes.. it is one of those places as a kid, is special… We’ve all had a place like that (mine, for another post!) when we were kids, especially boys right? Now I am torn.. it is a cool place for the kids… but it is also one of those places, where trouble can brew… idle time and all that… So the boys are not allowed to go alone.. Jeff and I have gone with them now and then… and another mom has also taken them… she took videos..

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For some reason, this place make me think of the movie Stand by Me… I just love this movie, did I already say that? Yeh well… So I saw the movie @ the grocery store last week for $9.99.. I bought it.. it’s a classic, must have to add to our library of favs! We watched it last weekend w. the boys (fri night) – I didn’t even check the rating, it’s rated R…. As we started to watch it, the boys were riveted.. I swear they didn’t move a single muscle the whole time, except to hop closer to us on the couch as the scene where they find the dead body approaches climax… I did notice a lot of cussing…. And some other topics that probably were not quite ready for prime time.. but all in all, a great movie… the kids were surprised when they found it that it was rated R, as we never let them watch R rated movies.. great movie to open up life discussions.. and just to bring up childhood memories… here are some pics from the jumps!

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April 08, 2008

the color purple

ok, so a new look... the color purple? why purple? Well - a little background... first of all... when I was in 7,8 and 9th grade - purple was the color, i went crazy w. purple... my clothes were purple, my jacket was purple... even a few of my teachers commented about it in my yearbook, one teacher Mr. Turski (a whole other post on innapropriate loser - will be forthcoming) wrote "wear more purple"! hahha

Now these days... and pretty much since 10th grade.. i have not liked the color purple... until last year! Last year we joined a Relay for Life Event here in Arizona and it was amazing! The signature color for the RFL is Purple! A new found LOVE for purple has sprouted!

We went to two RFL events last fall, one in Sedona (so gorgeous) and one in Anthem - our hometown both events, while different from each other, were amazing! i know there is a blog post somewhere in my past about it...

So - this fall is Relay season again. Hence the color purple!  We are not only forming teams for both relays, for the Anthem relay, we are chairing committees and partnering to shape the anthem RFL this year! Our entire goal for the whole relay is $100,000. We raised 72k last year!

So we are on mission... and my blog will remain purple until then! more info on relay to come...

I let Hank go w. a friend to another friend's house today... i know the both boys and boths boys' moms... the boys house who they are going to - is such a nice kid (and so is the other friend too..) this is a FIRST for Hank to be independant... and do some things w. out Will.. i know this is a real beginning... this is a bit farther then we have let him go in the past... he has a cell phone w. him... and i gave him strict instructions to be home at 5, which really at this moment gives him like 45 minutes... so - while we still have very strict rules and guidelines of where they go and who with... -we are letting up on the leash every so slightly... testing the waters..

Will is none to happy...  i am sure more seperation will occur and it will be hard for Will.. and he will miss his brother, but they can't be attached at the hip forever right? it is really sad in a way, and cute in a way...

 

 

April 07, 2008

baaaaad girl blogger! She's baaaaaaack

Dsc_0527 Life is busy…. This is the life I dreamed of as a young girl… a loving husband, happy healthy children, a job I enjoy…. I remember when Jeff and I were first dating, one of my girlfriends son’s (he was 8 at the time, I think or even younger) would have soccer games, Jeff and I would get up early on Saturday morning and go! We would comment to each other – how we couldn’t wait to be attending our own kids sporting events some day… and now – we have loved every minute of it! At one time, recently each kid had two sports, one team sport each, and one ‘lesson” sport… and add to that music lessons… So as I said life is busy, but GREAT…

Hank is our hockey player… he loves loves hockey… he is currently in a hockey induction training prograDsc_1135am… once he graduates this June, he will join a house league that starts in September…  He is also taking guitar lessons (acoustic) and just excelling beyond our imaginations.. his teacher loves him – and is thrilled to teach him and see his awesome progress. He can actually play full songs (by Poison and Green day) – he will be trying out for the talent show in a few weeks… Will is our gymnast… he loves gymnastics and has been taking fun gymnastics class for a year now – and we recently signed him for training at the local jr. Olympic training center – here in Phx.. it is the one sport he keeps the ultimate focus on and enjoys.. he has tried other sports and doesn’t care for them too much. He just finished a month of choir and has asked for individual voice lessons as he wants to be a pop-star! Hahah – as long as it remains in our budget, we will encourage them to try…… follow their passions right?!!   

Backyard:  ugh… it is a work in progress and actually looks great today as we spent the weekend doing yard work and project work.. we have big plans for the backyard… the wall is done… cannot wait for the finished project… I will update w. some pics soon!

p.s. as I am typing this, Jeff called me from the road (taking Hank to Hockey) to sing to me… one of our fav songs was playing “Kodachrome” by Paul Simon… we joke about it now cuz it references a Nikon Camera, which I am obsessed with! Hahahah I just love that song.

Photobiz: going GREAT!  I am building up my clientele and taking lots of pics.. I am loving it! There is rumor @ work that layoffs may be on the horizon… we are set up so we can survive short term on Jeff’s income.. AND  I cal always fall back on teaching and building the photog biz if that happens.. so for once, I am not stressed about it… seems strange to not be stressed… hahah

We had a great visit w. Jeff’s mom and Aunt Sandy a week ago.. I did not even take ONE picture w. them… no idea what my problem was… yikers… They stayed for almost a week and we really enjoyed having them. We even went to see Englebert Humerdinck and to my surprise, I knew just about every song! Haha

AIMS testing this week @ school… early to bed… big hearty breakfasts!   Off to a Relay for Life Committee meeting! Ciao

March 19, 2008

wow... where has the time gone?

holy cow.. where has the time gone? I can hardly believe i haven't blogged in such a long time... life is busy.. i know my head has been blogging.. just not putting in writing.. to start it off, my credit card # was stolen and used for fraudulent purchases... no idea how... So i had to get a new card and that meant all the things that I have autobilled to my credit card(actually it is my visa debit) - had to be changed.. some i knew, some i didn't until they called to tell me the charge failed... so that was fun (NOT!)

February was sort of a mix of fixing that issue.. working ALOT, busy busy with sports and life.. we bought new furniture for our office.. books cases, shelves, cubbies.. the works! it is awesome! we did our taxes, got a boat load of money back and paid off all debt! (except for the house, the truck and student loans) that is an amazing feeling and we have alittle left over for a massive landscape project in the back yard - that is on going as I type.. and even alittle more in the bank for savings ... it feels so amazing to not live paycheck to paycheck and not worry about being overdrawn etc.... I NEVER want to go back to that place. We have cut down on reckless spending and have really been good stewards of our money - long time coming...

March has flown by - it is already coming on Easter weekend.. literally this month flew by in a blink of an eye! Hank turned 11 - holy cow, that is amazing in itself!  I also starting taking my hobby to the public:  check it out! www.azphotogal.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/azphotogal/show

above you will see some examples of my hobby!

more to come.. off to a meeting!

January 28, 2008

beliefs......

well, this was not the post I intended to write in my head... I usually start thinking about what I am going to post as a way of dumping out the data in my head... then I just typed this title.. I believe I have posted this before or something like it...but it is has been on my mind alot lately.. This is the bare your soul, truth - straight from the heart sort of thing.........

There are certain truths (truths to me that is) that I hold on to and whole heartedly believe.. God is real.  I know it. I can't explain to someone who has never seen a miracle or who has never felt the presence of God, or who has never prayed - (btw, that doesn't always mean getting the answer you want... sometimes that is a good thing.. heheh - we don't always know what is best for us)... I can't explain to someone - who needs to see something to believe it.. or someone who has yet to experience any of the above. Somethings, I just "know"... Now I am not a gullible person by any means - in fact, I am very logical (and very emotional... a strange combination) - but things have to make sense logically for me - before I can accept them fully.. except - this one thing. God is real.

Now - the rest - is up for grabs... the different faiths... the different doctrines and by faiths and doctrines, I don't just mean the Christian faith, what about buddism.. what about Judaisms... and so many more... And do I have to choose one faith? do I have to choose one tradition, or doctrine or religious practice? Can i just believe in God? and live my life accordingly.. most of the "do's and don't's are the same... the basic 10 commandments with a few add on's - or varations... I am not planning on murder... I am not planning on stealing... do I lie? I can't say that I have never lied.. .and that i will never lie - circumstances dictate that to a degree... especially when you have kids right? - I can say, I will strive for appropriate honesty... whenever possible... (i know that sounds like situational ethics.. but fact of life, i believe).

what i do crave, is the coming together of people with similiar beliefs - the common bond, the traditions, hanging on to those traditions in tough times can be comforting.  I cannot put on my faith in any one man or great leader here in planet earth, i have seen too many leaders fall (fall hard, i might add) and too many folks devastated in the wake, as they had put all of their faith in that one person... to risky for dissapointment as we are all only human... not perfect. But God is perfect.

I like the singing.. I like the bible, I like the preaching or teaching... I don't like getting up early on a Sunday morning as this is MY only day of REST... but what is 1.5 hours out of my day really? I want our kids to grow up with a foundation of faith... true faith  - and not just believing cuz Mom says so... they have to own it - but I have to expose them to it.... and it's no guarantee.. just because they are in the youth group that they will get into trouble...  i know that being super active in my youth group kept me out of some real trouble and then again, got me into more real trouble, just  a different  kind... - i can't hold onto that baggage forever can I?

I know I am just rambling here -just dumping thoughts... i guess i am saying, i want to go to church more, just gotta get my tired butt outta bed.. and rally the troups... it is a scary world out there when you have kids - and I will go to great lengths to give them the tools, and skills needed to survive those teenage years... whatever it takes... :0

January 11, 2008

seriously sad....

read CNN.com daily to get a dose of the news as I cannot stand the local news… Here is my commentary

TODAYS HEADLINES

'Hannah Montana' uses body double in concert

-          Seriously this is news enough to make CNN.com…  WTF people – this isn’t Tigerbeat magazine is it?

Prosecutor: O.J. Simpson violated terms of bail

So now is there a pool going  - you know, like  baby pool, or football pool.. to see when he f%% up again… unreal – and WHO CARES about him anymore… just lock him –already

Cells, texting give predators secret path to kids

Another teacher having se$ with her student… this is beyond gross.. I would rather give birth through my nose than even consider something as gross as this.. HOMESCHOOLING is looking more and more appealing!

High tech porn player on display

On demand Po$n?… seriously, we need it RIGHT Fi=-ing NOW Today?? (what movie quote)…

Help for Britney Spears

Oxymoron.

January 03, 2008

the biggest loser...

Well it is so typical... first of January - everyone is on the weight loss wagon... including me...

Mine started the week before Christmas... i know... a crazy time to start... I started out following the total health makeover by Marilu Henner.. I went 7 days w. no dairy, no red meat, no sugar... and it was easy, actually... i didn't miss most of it and i felt great. Lost 9 lbs right away.. then i slacked off over Christmas... ate what I wanted to.. more than I should and gained 3 lbs back... I am back on track. I am not following her 30 day to the letter... but I have cut out diary and sugar and cut way way back on red meat... We had cheeseless pizza over the holidays and we both found out that we actually like it better... who knew...

So Jeff and I are back on WW - tracking points, eating proportionaly... ever our kids are eating healthier.. funny story: We stopped the whole "sugary" cereal thing w. the kids about 3 months ago... not more lucky charms.. or cocoa puffs.. if they want cereal, it's cheerios or kix... period.. And after a few grunts and groans they got used to it.. no complaints... They had a sleep over at their friends house the other night... when they got home, I asked them about their time @ Zach's... in the course of the conversation, Will told me that he had lucky charms for breakfast.. I commented that wow that must have been a treat.. he said - Well they had cocoa puffs but that was just way to sugary for me... so i had the lucky charms..  Hey - they are listening aren't they? I thought that was so cute!

I am down to 202 lbs... started out at 209... I turn 40 this year and I want to be 40 and Feel fabulous.. i know I won't be at my goal weight (125ish) by April - but I will be well on my way... my goal is by Christmas time next year I will be at my goal weight and we will have a family photo done.. I have been avoiding the "family" picture b/c of how I see myself... fat.. sad but true...

Jeff is on board as well - which helps since he is the cook. The kids enjoy eating healthy and make good choices, which is so important to me... We don't want them making the same poor choices... Apples, Oranges, Celery w natural pnut butter for snacks... much bettter than processed foods... or chips or candy.. That is not to say, they do ask for that stuff every  now and then... which every now and then is ok..but they are asking themselves 'is this a healthy choice" - which is the whole point right?

walked 3 miles last night as a family... felt great! I am going to try yoga today w. the boys! that should be interesting. They have been asking me for awhile to do it w. them!

We have a contest in our family right now of about 7 people - the biggest loser family style. For the next 8 weeks we will track our weight loss and the biggest loser wins a pile of donated cash and a free dinner out.. and the pleasure of looking and feeling great!

loving the rye berries btw.!

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Survivor Story

  • Chapter 2
    That’s her, not me. I kept telling myself this lie over and over… The C word still ringing in my ear. Cancer? The phone call that changed my life and all I heard was Cancer… blah, blah, blah… My mind stopped cold and I couldn’t breathe. When I was 12 years old my mom told me that my “friend” would be visiting me soon. This right of passage into womanhood was a mystery to me. It would be many, many years before I would understand why this time of the month would be considered my “friend”. After several unplanned and planned EPT (pregnancy) tests, I came to see this thing as my “friend“ and my enemy. In 2002, I had a menstrual cycle that lasted 15 days. This was not so out of the ordinary for me. My whole life has revolved around my cycle, ladies you can relate. I planned my whole life around that time of the month. Some of you ladies understand the long, heavy cycles. Those days when it is best just to stay home. I always envied my girlfriends who had a 3-day cycle that was barely noticeable. I suffered many embarrassing moments at school, at work, in social situations where my cycle got out of control and embarrassed me. I was driving to Scottsdale to an appointment. It was about a 30-minute drive from our house in Surprise. By the time I reached the parking lot, I was hemorrhaging and my clothes were soaked. I had to turn around and come back home. I just thought I was having a heavy flow day but my husband convinced me to call my doctor. We set up an appointment for a biopsy to test for fibroids. The weekend before my appointment my girlfriend convinced me to go to the ER. I was still bleeding very heavily and at times I felt as thought I was going to pass out. In the ER room, nurses and doctors were shuffling around when all of sudden everyone started moving fast, every one was rushing around and before I realized it, they were asking me to sign papers to receive a blood transfusion. I would later learn that I had lost so much blood; I would have died had I not come in that night. I had an emergency D&C that night along with my blood transfusion. I went home the next day to rest. Two days later I received the strangest phone call of my life. The ER doctor called me and told me that my test results came back positive for cancer and that he had taken the liberty to schedule a hysterectomy for the following week. He asked me if I had any questions and I said no. He asked me to come in the next day for pre surgery blood work and then we ended the phone call. It was all very quick and business like. I remember just sitting at my desk at home staring at the phone as if it was a dream. After a few minutes I came to my senses. Did this doctor just call me and tell me I have cancer over the phone? I don’t even know what kind of cancer. I didn’t ask any questions I just said ok. Just then my phone rang and it was the doctor again. He said he called back to check on me and to ask me if I was home alone. I told him I was home alone, but that I would call my husband. I asked him for the official name of the cancer and what stage it was in. He told me the name; Uterine Adenosarcoma, Stage 1b. He said he would answer all my questions tomorrow when we met for my pre-surgery appointment. As my husband, my sister and my parents rushed over to the house, I was pacing the floor. I kept thinking, That’s her, not me. This is happening to some other Rachel. This is all too surreal. For the next six months I would live my life from the outside looking in. For the next few weeks, I was consumed with researching this thing, this Cancer. I surfed the Internet like a mad women reading anything and everything I could. The more I read, the more stressed out I became. The survival rate for this type of cancer started out at 10% and slowly increased it’s way to 50%. Not the odds I was hoping for, but better than the alternative. I kept thinking, that’s her, not me. This is happening to someone else, not me. I began to reflect on my life. Had I accomplished all the things I had dreamed I would? Did all of my loved ones really know what they meant to me? Had I resolved all unfinished business and did I have closure on everything? The emails, cards, letters and phone calls began to flood in as the news spread though my family and friends network. We met with doctors, my test results were even sent to Harvard Medical School for review since this cancer was so rare. I remember feeling as though I had this monster inside of me growing and growing. I was anxious to get it out and get on with life. So we went forward with the hysterectomy surgery. It was decided that I would keep my ovaries. I was only 34 at the time and did not want to go into menopause. Jeff sat in the waiting room during my operation with one of our friends. That was the longest hour and a half of his life. I came home to prepare for six weeks of recovery. I stocked up on books and after a few days of round the clock pain killers, I began my reading marathon. It was hard to sit around and let other people do everything for me. I harbored tremendous guilt. Our friends and family were so amazing. We had a hot cooked meal delivered to our house for nine days in a row. I will always be grateful for the help we received during such a stressful time. After six weeks, we went to meet with the oncologist. After knowing that the surgery was very successful and I would not have to undergo chemotherapy or radiation, it came as such a blow to us when the doctor said they found an unknown mass on my left ovary. A second surgery was scheduled. This surgery was twice as long as the first one. This surgery would also tell us if the cancer had spread. Again – I would be down six to eight weeks recovering, more work for my friends and family. More unknowns… I remember we both cried together on the drive home. Somehow this news hurt more than the original diagnosis. We prayed and asked for strength. Doctors can tell you all about what physical pain to expect; they can predict how long your recovery might last. They can tell you what physical repercussions to expect. What they can’t tell you is how you will feel emotionally. I remember feeling so at odds with the whole thing. I was happy to be rid of this cancerous monster. I was happy to be rid of my “friend”. No one warned me about the finality of losing the ability to bear children. Three months after giving birth to our second child, we decided we were done having children. My husband had a vasectomy and we began to plan our life accordingly. I had no regrets. But having that part of yourself taken away, was unnerving for me. I felt as though I was grieving some sort of loss. Holding a new baby was difficult for awhile. Even though I knew I didn’t want any more children, having the option totally taken away was a hard thing to take. three years later, Six CT scans later, I am still here. People say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I am here because of the power of prayer. I am here because I have so much to live for. You can’t control all of the things in your life but you can certainly decide to survive and thrive no matter what. I can proudly say, “It’s me, not her”! I survived and I have a story to tell.